snow day + big life update!

 i woke up today to it snowing!!!

i’m definitely not a fan of cold weather but snows too pretty to dislike i hope it sticks

since it was so cold and i had to run some errands and visit my grandads i just wore a cozy hoodie

i didn’t have time for lashes either so it’s a big sunglasses day

plus some press ons i made ages ago just for fun until i can get acrylics again next week

with my favourite too faced lipgloss i thought i’d lost until this morning!!!

now as promised i’ll explain why i’ve eased off social media in general the past few weeks and even before that been so on and off with everything, if you don’t want to read bc you only want to see fashiony stuff that’s totally understandable and i’ll be posting an eyemakeup pictorial i made in my next post, so i hope to see you there instead! <3

i’ve been spiralling a bit out of it and overall feeling more and more hazy and detached progressing slowly over the past year as a whole i think but my memory’s pretty shitty, i have so many posts lined up for skincare, a room tour, pictorials and i have all the photos taken but i’m really struggling with not drifting off and knowing what to write since i kind of feel like different people throughout the day at the minute, which makes it really hard to finish things

even this post i tried to write yesterday and scrapped

BUT i have been working hard the past few months to better myself! i had another appointment last week and i’m finally on the path to get answers and FINALLY going to get the right treatment and medication to be able to live my life healthily for the first time

my phone call was about getting a diagnosis, and i’m going to be evaluated for borderline personality disorder, they’ll also talk to me about the possibility of CPSTD or other cluster B personality disorders, but me and the team i’m working with are both in agreement at the moment that bpd seems to be where my symptoms align

it’s HUGE news for me, like HUUUGE news

after struggling for so long and being in and out of the mental service, private care, countless facilities over the years for someone to finally be helping me get somewhere with navigating it all is surreal

i have mixed feelings, i’m incredibly happy to have answers and be able to work towards fixing things, but it’s also difficult to face that the way i’ve been living my whole life and how i see the world isn’t normal when a lot of it i just though everyone else experienced too

basically, i just wanted and still want to step back a little from the internet while i process it all and also to give myself space to adjust to being on new medication. especially since i’m now a lot more aware of my symptoms, i can see how much they actually effect me all day everyday and it’s a bit scary

i wanted to update everyone though! it’s a journey i want to take my friends on with me to see how hard i’m working to really be a better person, a better friend, and why i can be the way i am

i’ll probably write another post here about the evaluation after i’ve had it, how i’m finding medication and therapy etc, aswell as more about what being borderline actually entails.

i think a lot of people think BPD just makes people dramatic or manipulative but it’s a lot more complex than that and simply not the case for everyone

i used to feel guilty, embarrassed or annoying making posts like this talking about something i’m struggling with or when i’m upset, but fuck it

it’s something i think can help people, it’s cathartic for me to get it all out there, and people can always skip past if they want to, it’s not the end of the world

thank you for reading my little update! i’m going through it a little bit but it’s one of those things that’s gotta get worse before it gets better, so i’m just focusing on making it over that hill!

i’m gonna go get my pink christmas tree out again and decorate it since it’s snowing even more, now it feels like christmas

see you next time while i’ll be back to posting more fashion oriented stuff! 

byeeeee

Happy halloween! + makeup changes

Happy Halloween!! 

i hope everyone had a fun and spooky time 

i was thinking maybe being chucky with my ginger hair, but i couldn’t find a cute striped shirt in time and i didn’t want to buy a costume one, i always like my costumes to be more inspired by a character than go for accuracyi just like sticking to makeup and clothes i know suit me

sooo i last minute planned to redo my kakihara makeup! ♡

ichi the killer is one of my faaaavourite movies so i’m really happy i chose to do it, i just wish they used more practical effects instead of all the bad cgi but i digress, i love Kakiharas character! 

i would have more props and merchandise from the movie for pics and just to enjoy, but all that’s really out there are the mega expensive action figures and the awful lazy collection supreme put out :’((( but atleast i have most of the versions of the movie on dvd plus the anime

anyway, here’s the look!

it’s way better than my previous attempt and i think the eye makeup helped pull it together better!

i did the scar effect with just a TON of layers of eyelash glue layered with power, then contoured around that with eyeshadows. for the piercings i just used some O rings out my jewellery supplies i cut up them blunted at the ends with more lash glue

i also thought this would be a good opportunity to document how my gal make has evolved and changed since last year, so here we go

i look like two different people

here’s the main things i switched up in my makeup routine and why! ↓

★ swapped out matte liquid lipsticks for balms, tints, regular cream lipsticks, or glosses - just makes my lips look less crusty and also more defined which i need bc i’ve got no top lip, that’s about it lol

☆ moved both my lower and upper lashes more towards my inner eye - i already have wide set eyes, so pulling them more to the centre stops my eyes looking even more spaced apart, and helps give the lashes more volume going upwards not outwards

★ softened highlights - my nose highlight is now much softer and blended to be more fitting with the style of the era in now into! but i also think it helps make my nose appear smaller rather than longer. The intense eye highlight always just looked crusty in person even if it does look cute on pics lol so i just swapped it for a more sparkly and shiny looking shadow instead of metallic ones

☆ lighter and lower eyebrows - toning down the arch and lightening my brows has really help make my features look more symmetrical, i also always like super light eyebrows in gal makeup, i think it puts more focus on the eyes

★ blush and contour - i never used to actually contour my nose, i used to just whack the bold highlight on and hope for the best. now though since my highlight is more blended, i contour all the way up into the front of my brows. i also use quite a bit of blush now, once again in keeping with the era of gyaru i now wear

☆ inner corner eyeliner placement - i’ve learnt how to embrace my eye shape instead of hiding it and it gives my eyelids a much more symmetrical appearance. instead of avoiding my hood and doing super thin eyeliner on the inner half of the eye, i do go right up to wear my hood begins to fold. it almost conceals the space where my eyelid folds since now there’s no visible difference in space between where the crease of my eye is, balancing my eyes out much better. it’s hard to explain but i hope that made sense (i’ve also stopped raising my eyebrows so much in photos to try and hide my eye shape, once again helping the symmetry since it made my uneven eyelids stand out.)

the only other main differences is the lack of lenses (which i’m working on, i’m trying to find cute daily’s for special occasions) but last year i had to take my lenses out right after taking pictures since my eyes were so irritated, so they were a bit pointless anyway

and my tans also a bit more toned down, but mainly just because i didn’t go out much this summer and need to keep up more with my tanning routine again! my extensions are also getting a little ratty in comparison to last year, so it might be time to get some new ones soon

that’s pretty much it! no trick or treaters came this year since there aren’t many kids who live in my area anymore, so i just ate the sweets myself and watched halloween shows with my mom 

next year i might throw a spooky little halloween party with my friends since i didn’t do anything for my birthday either i feel like a bit of a hermit, we’ll see!

i hope you like my costume and i hope the makeup tips can help anyone else who has a similar eye shape or face structure  to mine! i struggled for a long time to find any makeup tutorials or tips that worked for me, so i always love more in-depth makeup posts 

thank you for reading!!

see you next timeee 💋