snow day + big life update!

 i woke up today to it snowing!!!

i’m definitely not a fan of cold weather but snows too pretty to dislike i hope it sticks

since it was so cold and i had to run some errands and visit my grandads i just wore a cozy hoodie

i didn’t have time for lashes either so it’s a big sunglasses day

plus some press ons i made ages ago just for fun until i can get acrylics again next week

with my favourite too faced lipgloss i thought i’d lost until this morning!!!

now as promised i’ll explain why i’ve eased off social media in general the past few weeks and even before that been so on and off with everything, if you don’t want to read bc you only want to see fashiony stuff that’s totally understandable and i’ll be posting an eyemakeup pictorial i made in my next post, so i hope to see you there instead! <3

i’ve been spiralling a bit out of it and overall feeling more and more hazy and detached progressing slowly over the past year as a whole i think but my memory’s pretty shitty, i have so many posts lined up for skincare, a room tour, pictorials and i have all the photos taken but i’m really struggling with not drifting off and knowing what to write since i kind of feel like different people throughout the day at the minute, which makes it really hard to finish things

even this post i tried to write yesterday and scrapped

BUT i have been working hard the past few months to better myself! i had another appointment last week and i’m finally on the path to get answers and FINALLY going to get the right treatment and medication to be able to live my life healthily for the first time

my phone call was about getting a diagnosis, and i’m going to be evaluated for borderline personality disorder, they’ll also talk to me about the possibility of CPSTD or other cluster B personality disorders, but me and the team i’m working with are both in agreement at the moment that bpd seems to be where my symptoms align

it’s HUGE news for me, like HUUUGE news

after struggling for so long and being in and out of the mental service, private care, countless facilities over the years for someone to finally be helping me get somewhere with navigating it all is surreal

i have mixed feelings, i’m incredibly happy to have answers and be able to work towards fixing things, but it’s also difficult to face that the way i’ve been living my whole life and how i see the world isn’t normal when a lot of it i just though everyone else experienced too

basically, i just wanted and still want to step back a little from the internet while i process it all and also to give myself space to adjust to being on new medication. especially since i’m now a lot more aware of my symptoms, i can see how much they actually effect me all day everyday and it’s a bit scary

i wanted to update everyone though! it’s a journey i want to take my friends on with me to see how hard i’m working to really be a better person, a better friend, and why i can be the way i am

i’ll probably write another post here about the evaluation after i’ve had it, how i’m finding medication and therapy etc, aswell as more about what being borderline actually entails.

i think a lot of people think BPD just makes people dramatic or manipulative but it’s a lot more complex than that and simply not the case for everyone

i used to feel guilty, embarrassed or annoying making posts like this talking about something i’m struggling with or when i’m upset, but fuck it

it’s something i think can help people, it’s cathartic for me to get it all out there, and people can always skip past if they want to, it’s not the end of the world

thank you for reading my little update! i’m going through it a little bit but it’s one of those things that’s gotta get worse before it gets better, so i’m just focusing on making it over that hill!

i’m gonna go get my pink christmas tree out again and decorate it since it’s snowing even more, now it feels like christmas

see you next time while i’ll be back to posting more fashion oriented stuff! 

byeeeee